Formulas

In two hours, I will have a white cap on my head and a white gown draped over my body. I will be walking up to the stage and sitting for what might feel like hours but were only moments. I would get up, walk to the podium and speak.

There is something about having a schedule and having your life planned out for you every moment of the day that is comforting. There is something about schedules and having your life planned out for you every moment of the day that is terrifying.

For the past 15 years of my life, everything was planned for me: every course I will take, every seat I will sit in, every school I will go to. All I had to do was play the role of the student. All I had to do was show up to class, sit in the assigned seat, and get myself to school every day on time for 15 years. Everything about a public high school is very formulaic. One plus One equals Two. Show up to class plus Pay attention equals a better chance of getting an A. Studying and Homework equals a good grade on the test. Good grades plus good recommendations equals a chance to go to college. Everything about a public high school education is very formulaic.

For the past 4 years, I learned to appreciate, hate, and adapt to this schedule and formula. I did not have to worry about tomorrow because I know that tomorrow will be the same as yesterday and today. It is a constant cycle and spits out graduates every year. It is a constant cycle that recycles the same methods and teachings. It is a constant cycle that never changes- even when it is not working. It is a constant cycle that is and will always be.

Four years later as I am about to thrown out of this cycle and into the real world, I am more lost then ever before. I do not know what tomorrow will be like. I will not know what tomorrow will bring. I do not know what is going to happen from here on out. I no longer have a schedule to follow. Everything about a public high school education is formulaic yet the one thing they do not teach their students is how to write their own formula...