A Time to Mourn

There is a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark… ( Scars to Your Beautiful was on our repertoire) 

Before going to Hong Kong with CTI, Hong Kong meant my grandparents. I was reminded frequently that I did not go back to visit often enough. Growing up, I always made an excuse to not go back. In reflection, this was because growing up, Hong Kong also reminded me of death. My most vivid memories of Hong Kong were always of death or sickness or the reality that someone is nearing the end of their life. It scared me. This also led me to choosing not to engage and not to invest in my family overseas. This fear kept me from sharing with them the most important thing in my life—the reality of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Many of you know that three weeks before starting CTI, I went to Hong Kong to mourn the death of my great-grandmother. There I saw not only the pain and sorrow that comes with death, but also the desperation to preserve life. Every ritual addressed a fear of the unknown. I had the opportunity to talk with my grandpa and he explained to me how meticulous and how exact everything had to be in order to keep our family in good fortune. Our conversation then transitioned to him telling me about his preparation for his own death. At that moment, I was taken back by how sober-minded my grandpa was in talking about his own death and funeral. At the same moment, my heart also broke because he truly believes that his preparations were enough. In the face of death, I found myself again scared and unable to speak. The truth that I know would only bring him back to face the reality that he thought he overcame himself.

Truly for these three weeks, I learned to mourn and see death face-to-face. But God is faithful and brought light into the darkness. When I first found out I was placed in Hong Kong, I did not know what to expect. Hong Kong was not familiar enough to call home but it was not foreign enough to feel alienated. I struggled to find my place as I oscillated between these two realities. Hong Kong was not my home, but I have family in Hong Kong. On paper, it said that our team would be partnering with Youth for Christ, Hong Kong but like most of my expectations, I was surprised to find out that our main audience would be the elderly. Looking back, it was not a coincidence that my team and I had the opportunity to serve the elderly people of Hong Kong. I had spent a big portion of my life scared of proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the family I knew in Hong Kong, and now God had placed me in a position to proclaim boldly this truth to complete strangers every day, multiple times a day. Every day that I looked out into the audience and saw the older grannies and grandpas, I could not help but think of my own family in Hong Kong. I would tell them stories and jokes in broken Cantonese the same way that I tried to speak with my grandparents. I would play for these grannies and grandpas and be reminded that my own grandparents have never heard me play guitar before. I had grown to love these grannies and grandpas like my own grandparents. The only difference was that I had the courage to also share with them the message of Jesus Christ.  

But God is faithful and gracious beyond my understanding and made a way for my grandparents to come see me play and testify. They had come from another part of Hong Kong to where I was playing one afternoon and for the first time, they saw me play. But more so, this was the first time they heard me share the single most important thing I could offer them—the Gospel. I looked into the crowd and my grandparents were sitting among the other elderly, listening to the same message, and hearing the same testimony that God is real and that He is the only way to life. On that day, God gave me the boldness to share the truth and it is my hope that seeds were sown that day, in family and strangers alike.

I left Hong Kong hopeful and confident that God will continue to work and transform lives. For the first time, I left Hong Kong at peace and no longer scared of death, because the reality is that HE HAS WON! (This song was also on our rep: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr1OfNUOFPE)  While we were broken and lost and looking for our own way out of whatever darkness, God had the ultimate plan to save. He sent Christ down in the form of man to suffer and be with his people. God sent His Son down to Earth to DIE! Christ died in our place and overcame what we could not. On the third day, He rose from the grave and was victorious over death. Because of this, in His name there is eternal life. There is no fear in death anymore. In the midst of darkness, Jesus came down and brought us light. In the reality of death, Jesus came down and gave us the opportunity to live. I left Hong Kong hopeful, because the God who brought the dead back to life is the same God that is working and changing lives.

Picture of my aunts, uncle, grandpa and grandma!