Wounded Soldiers

"In God's army, only wounded soldiers are used. "
    -a wise friend who has never cease to share with me the little golden nuggets of the books she reads.

The Stained Glass Analogy

There is something very mesmerizing about stained glass: the many colors and ridges, curves and cuts, shapes and figures. There is also something very unsettling about stained glass, how each piece fits so perfectly snug next the rest but leaves a sense of being misplaced, how each color is placed so intentionally next to such contrasting colors,  and how broken glass can still be made to look like a whole.

Each tiny glass you see, carries in itself a very different personality than the piece next to it. Each glass is broken and shaped to fit it's intended position. Without it, a stained glass would not exist.

It is only in the culmination of varies shapes and sizes that something so simple as broken colored glass can form a beautiful pattern or picture worthy enough to be displayed on the walls of a sanctuary. Each broken piece- on its own worthless and dull- together forms something far more beautiful and far more creative.

But let us not forget when we do look at the stained glass, that the different colors and glasses have not anymore added value. The glass alone is still broken and dull. The creativity and the beauty? That is the reflection of the creativity and beauty of ...the artist.

The glass artist gave value and purpose to the otherwise shattered and worthless glass. The artist has planned and positioned each glass with it's own broken and lacking personality, so intentionally in order to maximize the character of each piece. But again, let us not forget that it is because the artist saw  first in the sharp edges of thrown out glass that it can still be made beautiful.

It is in our brokenness and experiences that we are able to support each other and build each other up. It is in our sharp edges that we can sharpen the people around us and build character. It is in all our scars and wounds that the perfection and the beauty of something far greater can be reflected and seen.

It is the beauty and creativity of the artist that we marvel at, not the broken glass...

Cancer Patient Living In Her Car

11:15 AM Tuesday June 17, 2014

On the white board of a tiny blue room in an obscure city of San Diego, California, it reads: 

"Sherry (Client), 

               Cancer patient living in her car." 

On movie screens in hundred of theaters across the entire world shows the story of:

"The Fault in Our Stars". 

Sherry, that is all I know about this mysterious woman with cancer who lives in her car somewhere on the streets of San Diego. I have no way of knowing where this lady is and I have no way of knowing who wrote that prayer request on the board. All I know is that time for her... is running out. 

I wonder if the blue marks on that white board share any resemblance to the struggle of cancer portrayed in the other blue and white book. I wonder what kind of reactions people will have after reading the book and then reading the board. I wonder if all this generation of people know about cancer is "The Fault in Our Stars". 

I wonder if she is alone. I wonder if anyone will notice her, if they would find her and help her. I wonder if... by the time I read, if it was already too late. 

I spent a good two mins just standing by the door and staring at those blue lines. Within those couple of letters and words lies a greater story that I will never know. No story is as simple as life and death, but for Sherry, I cannot help but think of what her story would be like, how it ends, her battle with cancer. It pained me when I realize that not only will I never know that story, there are billions of people in the world who will never come across this message and will not even know Sherry existed- wouldn't even care. She is only on person in the entire universe, a speck of dust but still important and still valued. From our comfortable homes, other people are just numbers and figures and we are numbers and figures to them. But I challenge this and I want to challenge you. Everyone has a story, a prayer, and everyone has a time limit. Learn their stories, share your story, break some hearts, and have your heart broken because life is short and not everyone gets a chance to have their story played on the big screen. 

-Charlie 

Stars

When living in such a busy and fast paced city, it is often times very difficult to find a place of stillness and peace. We marvel at the flashes of lights and colors. We find solitude in the sound of music and drums. We look up to the sky expecting stars but only find airplanes and helicopters. We are surrounded by so much noise and chaos that  it is easy to forget what it feels like to be still... to really be still.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at a retreat, where the sounds of machines and engines were replaced with the sounds of the wind and wildlife. The bright city lights and tall buildings were replaced with wooden cabinets and towering trees. The crowds of people rushing to get to places where replaced with people strolling ever so slowly in awe as they marveled at how...how majestic the nature was. It is no surprise that even the most hyper and easily distracted people... the youth, would stop and oh so silently just observe how beautiful of a world they live in. No adult had to remind them of the serenity of nature. No adult had to tell them, "this is what stillness and peace feels like." 

Sunday night, a group of middle and high schoolers took a hike up to one of the higher places in the retreat site. There, for a good 15 minutes, we lied on our backs and looked up at the stars. For 15 mins, we were all quiet. We were looking at stars- real stars- not crazy man made airplanes that light up our city skies- real stars. It was a scene not even a camera can capture. It was a scene that begs to be seen with our own eyes, unfiltered. It was a scene that brought some to tears, some to smiles, and still some to a deep yearning for more. It was a scene that made so much sense but almost no sense at all. The beauty and the majesty of how perfect and unadulterated the moment was rendered even the most talkative into speechlessness. 

I cannot tell you what it is that I saw. I can only describe to the best of my poor ability with words how crazy and overwhelming it was. It might sound cheesy, "oh the stars were so pretty!!!" It is just one of those things that you have to experience for yourself. 

A couple of days after returning back to the city and all of it's craziness, I came across this quote, 

"We look up at the same stars, and see such different things."- George R.R. Martin

No matter what it is that we see when we look up to the stars, it all points to something greater. 

-Charlie

**Quote credit to Haley

Endings

I have a weird fascination for things that end the same way it started. There is a weird sense of completion and fulfillment in it. To come back full circle and see how different you are and how much you've grown and changed.

There is always a part of us that want to go back in time and relive the dearest and happiest moments of our lives. There is always a part of us that wants to go back in time and fix the mistakes and regrets we might have. There is always a part of us that want to just stop time and never grow up. It is in those times that we find it the most difficult to let go, move on, and continue. It is in those times that we either choose to keep walking or stop.

In these past few days, I was in this suspension of time. I had just completed a four year long circle and as much as I know it is finished, I find it extremely difficult to let go. I have invested four years to one thing and looking back, I can say that I am proud of the circle I made. It has marks of my tears, sweat, and blood; joy, pride, and satisfaction; pain, sorrow, and regrets. This was my circle; my mark on society; my mark on those I learned to love.

I have reached my finish line and went back to where it all started. I have returned to the place where it all began but this time... this time, it is where it will end. I have started and ended in the same place. All I have left now is to step away from my finished circle and start a new one. Granted, it will be hard at first- starting from scratch and not knowing when the this next circle will be completed, but I have to at least start.

My time is now done in this one place; I have passed down my ranks. I have done my duty to the best of my abilities and I have completed this circle. I cannot say I will never look back, but I can say that when and if I do look back, it will be with unspeakable joy- the joy of knowing I finished and the joy of knowing it happened.


-Charlie