Contentment

How are you? 

Such a simple question with a not so simple answer. 

How am I? I think the best answer that I can give is contentment. I am content. I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am with everything that I have. Friends, family, fellowship, food, everyday I am humbled by how incredibly spoiled I am to be surrounded by these amazing people and opportunities that I have. However, to say that I am content can be misleading. What in the world do I mean by content? 

con·tent

kənˈtent/

adjective

1. 1.

   in a state of peaceful happiness.

^ That is the definition that google gave me. To be content means to be in a state of peaceful happiness. That is different from just a state of peace or a state of happiness. It is both. So now the question is why? Why am I so content with where I am now?!

Here is why...

As the year comes to a close, it is natural for people to look back at where they were last january and compare themselves to how they are now. Compared to last year, I would say that I grew (not length wise unfortunately), I finished High School and went to college, I went on a music ministry, and I traveled on my own for the first time. I think and I hope that I am more independent now. I can cook, maybe clean, and take care of myself. I have people who hold me accountable and a place to go when I want to be on my own. My life is merely a story of an average college student. So why contentment? I am content because I realized just how incredible it is that I am where I am today. 

While some people are scared to look back at how they were last year, I look at this past year with a little smirk and a lot of humility. This past year, a very determined child got lost in the forest of reality and had to struggle to find her way back. She was certain that this was the way that life was going to play out but little did she know that getting lost was all part of the plan. Along the way, she met friends, other people who were just as determined and just as lost as she was. Some more so than others but regardless still lost. The little girl reminisced about how life was before this scary thing called life, how it was like to not be lost, how it was like to know --or so she thought-- where life was heading. So this little girl often found herself going back, going back to safety, back to comfort, and even tried going back in time. She held on so tightly to the things of the past and was not willing to let them go or to lift them up. So the girl remained lost. She wanted to grow up but she also didn't know how. She wanted to go back but knew that the forest awaits. 

This little girl is still in this ginormous forest; nowhere near the end, but that is okay. The girl understands now that the end is not what she is aiming for, because the end is already determined. What she can do is look at what is in front of her. 

Often times the path may look scary and daunting. Where will it lead? How much longer will it take? But the reason why I am content, is because I am not on this journey alone. The path that I stand on is the path that I believe I need to be on. This little girl learned that sometimes the best roads and paths are not the ones we plan to take but the ones we stumble upon or the ones we never knew existed. It is the scary paths, the unexpected paths, that shape and change you most. 

Looking back, I am content with all the mistakes I've made, all the challenges I had to overcome, and all the struggles that left me a little more broken because all those things led me to this specific path. A year ago, I would never have expected to be where I am now or to have met the people that I have met so far. I am glad to be on this journey with them, but more so, I am glad that this is where I am and not the other path that I thought was better. I am confident that although I have no idea where this path will lead me to next, it will continue to push me and challenge me to grow. I have still so much to learn and hopefully a lot more years ahead of me to see where this path will take me. 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

-Charlie 

Count Your Blessings

As Thanksgiving arrives, so many of us feel the need to say thank you and verbalize appreciation for people that we don’t normally say them too… even if we see these people everyday. All of a sudden, “thank you” and “I am thankful for…” become the most spoken word of the day. So in light of this wonderful and thankful session, I will muster up the courage to write a long-winded thank you blog! Ready? Set? Go!

Family: my bro bro, my sister, my parents

Saying I love you in this family means… FOOD! The cherry on top of my Freshman 15 will be Thanksgiving weekend back home.

More family: Aunties and Uncles, cousins, and grandparents

Such a selfless bunch of people. From helping me on college apps, to giving me advice for college, making the best Zong (粽) in the world (grandma’s cooking trumps any restaurant any day), random phone calls and texts just to say hi, being too cute and scrumptious for their own good (I think chubby cheeks run in the family), and teaching me that being dysfunctional is part of the package but being dysfunctional together is a recipe for laughter and growth.  

Church: Golden Gate

For giving me a place to struggle and grow in my faith.  For a community of people who supported me and challenged me to deepen my relationship with God. For people who taught and mentored me. For people who I could share my joys and sorrow with. For people who taught me what it means to be one body in Christ.

CTI: Team Guat 2014! And DAVID!

I am pretty sure I have abandonment issues because you guys. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about you guys.  It was a once in a lifetime experience and I am so grateful to have gone through it with you guys. I miss you and love you all sooo much!!! *single tear drop

Crossroads

AHHH too many thoughts… so little time. You guys are a prayer answered on so many levels. For the upperclassmen who have selflessly shared their time, energy, and wisdom with the freshmen class. For the freshmen class who have taught me so much about love and fellowship. (This post isn’t sufficient for how truly grateful I am for every one of you guys. My hope and prayer is that God will continue to work and mold this fellowship into greater maturity as we share in each other’s struggles and praises. I love you guys all so much! Thank you!!!)

Berkeley

For not being the place where I wanted to go, but the place where I needed to be.

JROTC: Past and present

For teaching me how to be a leader. For giving me a place to make mistakes. For teaching me how to love and sacrifice. Squad Drill, 1SG, CG, DP…

CKAMPS

For never being too far away. =)

FatFive

For being oh so weird and crazy. For times of endless laughter and stories. For our shared love for music and food!

So that is the end of the post. As we all enter a time of thanksgiving and stuffing our faces, don’t forget to say thank you. Thanksgiving should not be a reminder to say thank you, as we should always be giving thanks and encouragement regardless. Thanksgiving, as I see it, is one of those rare times when friends and family come back from their busy, or not so busy lives and just share one meal together without the distractions of the world. It is a time to talk and to encourage, a time to share and be encouraged. It is a time of remembrance, not a time of remembering to say thank you, but a time to remember to slow down and count your blessings.

For those who are not with family or who do not see Thanksgiving in this Hollywood way, rest assured that most people don’t either. Without or without turkey, take time to stop, lay down your worries, and reflect. Whether it is the big things or the small things, there are blessings everywhere…

Charlie

A Sense of Closure

There will be a moment that one day, the people you aspire to teach will have surpassed you and the amount of pride and joy you feel, will leave you speechless.

The most humbling experience was seeing these kids struggle together and going above and beyond. After 3 or 4 years with you guys, I think I can now say that my job is done. I can leave now knowing that you guys will be ready to fight the world ahead of you. You guys will forever have a place in my heart. Job well done! I am so proud of you guys! 

Retreat: So Let the Waters Rise

This past weekend, my fellowship went on a retreat and for those of you who do not know, retreats are extremely stressful for me. God never ceases to open the doors to a retreat when I am the most stubborn and unwilling to submit. Prior to the retreat, I was exhausted from trying so hard to do things on my own. I was so spiritually drained and exhausted from this vicious cycle of pushing God away and at the same time, asking why he felt so far from me.

A few days before the retreat, I had a rare opportunity to spend an hour alone. I had time before a meeting so I decided to put my on earphones and just walk. I remember trying to not think about anything and to just mindlessly moved. I was scared to go to God and I was stubborn in my own emotions. I was reluctant. I knew that the moment I submit myself, things were only going to get harder. But I also knew that being complacent and unmoved was where Satan wanted me. Soon after, I felt nothing at all. I was mindlessly just...there... 

In hindsight, I think I was scared. Christ calls us to carry the cross everyday and be changed everyday by his Word. He calls us to be ambassadors, and to go be the salt and light of the world. THAT... is not an easy thing to do. That requires energy and time and strength that I knew I did not have and I did not trust God to provide strength and energy for such a broken person like me. I was not ready to be tired; I was not ready to be stressed; I was already exhausted and I was scared to step off the boat into the raging sea as Peter did. I was afraid to struggle even more. I wanted rest and peace but I sought only temporary solutions to this problem. 

For the week leading up the retreat, there was one song that kept coming up. The chorus on this song goes like this: 

There's a raging sea right in front of me

Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise if You want them to
I will follow You. I will follow You

- Let the Waters Rise (Mikeschair)

On the second day of the retreat, my fellowship decides to go to the beach. Being me childish and unsafe, I decide to see how far I could go into the water. At one point, I underestimated how strong the waves were and next thing I knew, I fell into the water and it felt as if I was about to get swept away. It was probably not as dramatic as you could imagine it to be but it was still an experience. I was reminded of the song.

At the end of the retreat, we had this thing called a silent retreat where for two hours, we split off and had alone time to do devotions, to pray, or to even be still before God. Before this, I had stopped doing devos and studying the Bible. So during silent retreat,  I turned to the page that I had bookmarked last and this is what it said: 

"Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sick in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God." 

-Psalm 69:1-3 

It was not just a coincidence. From the lyrics of the song, to this specific Bible verse, to physically almost getting swept away by the waves... Even while I was pushing Him away, he continued to show me himself. I am weak and broken, but God only uses an army of wounded soldiers. I was childish and stubborn, but God never turned away. He could have, in fact, why he kept showing his grace is beyond my understanding. I am so small; I am so small compared to his power and might but he chose to come down and share in our hurt and brokenness. He chose to give us so many chances that we do not deserve.  

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” 

“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

 - Matthew 14:27-29

-Charlie 

It is Done

My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you-- I, whom you have redeemed.

- Psalm 71:23

You took our sin

 You bore our shame

You rose to life

You defeated the grave

A Love like this the world has never known

            -Jesus, Son of God (Chris Tomlin)

     Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free

For God the Just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me

            -Before the Throne of God Above

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain:

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave he rose again!

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,

For I am His and He is mine -

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

            -In Christ Alone (Natalie Grant)

These sufferings, this passing tide

Under Your wings I will abide

And every enemy shall flee

You are my hope and victory

            -Praise Father, Praise the Son ( Chris Tomlin)

The ground began to shake

The stone was rolled away

His perfect love could not be overcome

Now death where is your sting?

Our resurrected King

Has rendered you defeated

-Forever (Kari Jobe)

The storm rolled in, it was dark in the land

As the Son of Man was crucified

You don't take His life, He laid it down

And He paid the price, and shed His blood

Now the daylight flees;

Now the ground beneath

Quakes as its Maker bows His head.

Curtain torn in two,

Dead are raised to life;

"Finished!" the victory cry.

            -The Power of the Cross (Keith and Kristyn Getty)

It is done, the veil is torn

  He has won and I am free

        -Liberty ( Phil Wickham and Shane & Shane)

My sin, o, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole

Was nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

- It is well (Shane and Shane)

And on that day when my strength is failing

The end draws near and my time has come

Still my soul will sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years and then forevermore

            -10,000 Reasons (Matt Redman)

When we arrive at eternity's shore

Where death is just a memory and tears are no more

We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring

Your bride will come together and we'll sing

You're beautiful

            -You’re Beautiful (Phil Wickham)

On that bright and glorious day

Heaven opened up the grave

He’s alive and risen indeed

Praise him for the mercy tree

Death has died. Love has won!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Jesus Christ has overcome.

He has risen from the dead.

-Mercy Tree ( Lacey Sturm)

Worth is the Lamb who was slain

Worth is the King who conquered the grave

            -This is Amazing Grace (Phil Wickham)

- Charlie