A Time to Mourn

There is a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark… ( Scars to Your Beautiful was on our repertoire) 

Before going to Hong Kong with CTI, Hong Kong meant my grandparents. I was reminded frequently that I did not go back to visit often enough. Growing up, I always made an excuse to not go back. In reflection, this was because growing up, Hong Kong also reminded me of death. My most vivid memories of Hong Kong were always of death or sickness or the reality that someone is nearing the end of their life. It scared me. This also led me to choosing not to engage and not to invest in my family overseas. This fear kept me from sharing with them the most important thing in my life—the reality of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Many of you know that three weeks before starting CTI, I went to Hong Kong to mourn the death of my great-grandmother. There I saw not only the pain and sorrow that comes with death, but also the desperation to preserve life. Every ritual addressed a fear of the unknown. I had the opportunity to talk with my grandpa and he explained to me how meticulous and how exact everything had to be in order to keep our family in good fortune. Our conversation then transitioned to him telling me about his preparation for his own death. At that moment, I was taken back by how sober-minded my grandpa was in talking about his own death and funeral. At the same moment, my heart also broke because he truly believes that his preparations were enough. In the face of death, I found myself again scared and unable to speak. The truth that I know would only bring him back to face the reality that he thought he overcame himself.

Truly for these three weeks, I learned to mourn and see death face-to-face. But God is faithful and brought light into the darkness. When I first found out I was placed in Hong Kong, I did not know what to expect. Hong Kong was not familiar enough to call home but it was not foreign enough to feel alienated. I struggled to find my place as I oscillated between these two realities. Hong Kong was not my home, but I have family in Hong Kong. On paper, it said that our team would be partnering with Youth for Christ, Hong Kong but like most of my expectations, I was surprised to find out that our main audience would be the elderly. Looking back, it was not a coincidence that my team and I had the opportunity to serve the elderly people of Hong Kong. I had spent a big portion of my life scared of proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the family I knew in Hong Kong, and now God had placed me in a position to proclaim boldly this truth to complete strangers every day, multiple times a day. Every day that I looked out into the audience and saw the older grannies and grandpas, I could not help but think of my own family in Hong Kong. I would tell them stories and jokes in broken Cantonese the same way that I tried to speak with my grandparents. I would play for these grannies and grandpas and be reminded that my own grandparents have never heard me play guitar before. I had grown to love these grannies and grandpas like my own grandparents. The only difference was that I had the courage to also share with them the message of Jesus Christ.  

But God is faithful and gracious beyond my understanding and made a way for my grandparents to come see me play and testify. They had come from another part of Hong Kong to where I was playing one afternoon and for the first time, they saw me play. But more so, this was the first time they heard me share the single most important thing I could offer them—the Gospel. I looked into the crowd and my grandparents were sitting among the other elderly, listening to the same message, and hearing the same testimony that God is real and that He is the only way to life. On that day, God gave me the boldness to share the truth and it is my hope that seeds were sown that day, in family and strangers alike.

I left Hong Kong hopeful and confident that God will continue to work and transform lives. For the first time, I left Hong Kong at peace and no longer scared of death, because the reality is that HE HAS WON! (This song was also on our rep: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr1OfNUOFPE)  While we were broken and lost and looking for our own way out of whatever darkness, God had the ultimate plan to save. He sent Christ down in the form of man to suffer and be with his people. God sent His Son down to Earth to DIE! Christ died in our place and overcame what we could not. On the third day, He rose from the grave and was victorious over death. Because of this, in His name there is eternal life. There is no fear in death anymore. In the midst of darkness, Jesus came down and brought us light. In the reality of death, Jesus came down and gave us the opportunity to live. I left Hong Kong hopeful, because the God who brought the dead back to life is the same God that is working and changing lives.

Picture of my aunts, uncle, grandpa and grandma! 

Go! Tell it on the Mountain: Upraised

Hello Friends! 

I am super excited to start this new project series where I can very spontaneously and compulsively share things that get my mind cells all worked up. Unlike my other blogs, this will hopefully just be a place where I can share my awe and wonder with you all without the pressure of formalizing thoughts or spelling. The hope for this series is for it to be a place where 1) I can spill and share some of the crazies that happen in my brain and 2) for all of you to pick at my brain... literally? 

The series is called "Go! Tell it on the Mountain" because that is literally how I feel when I have these epiphanies. I just want to tell the entire world because I am super excited and this stuff will (hopefully but not literally) blow your brains out!  I cannot promise it will be short, but I can promise that I will be random and maybe tangential. ANYWAY! READY! SET! GO! Entry #1...

Upraised

The worst human condition... LONELINESS! OKAY! I know, let me explain 

1) It is not good for man to be alone- whether or not you are religious, community is sooo sooo important and plays a ginormous role in shaping who you are. 

2) It is not only a scary thing to be physically alone (like last person on the earth kind-of alone), emotionally alone (like being surrounded by many people but still feeling alone), but also spiritually alone. 

3) What does it mean to be spiritually alone? The way that I am using this phrase here is the idea of God letting human beings loose to do whatever they please... 

"Yet for all this, his anger was not turned away, his hand is still upraised"-- Isaiah 5:25 

I read this verse and here was my line of thought. 

A) <-- changing things up a bit.... 

A) Why did God keep his hands upraised? 

B) Is He getting ready to strike again? That would be scary... 

C) Phone a friend... Google... 

D) WOAH! *insert image of a person who has had enough with all the crazy shenanigans of this world (injustice, violence, destruction), putting his hands up and slowly backing away... 

E) The worst of all human conditions is not just our sinful nature and our natural compulsion to do what is destructive and evil, but when given the choice, to choose to do what is destructive and evil. The worst of all human conditions is when we are left to do what we each see fit and claim authority and control over things we do not have. The worst of all human conditions is one without a God who is Just; who is the Creator, and who is Good. The worst of all human conditions is one without God...

So when God upraised his hands and left Israel to their own ways, Israel led themselves into their own end and destruction... This is beyond scary! 

In a world that pushes people to be "individuals" and "independent", the understanding of being in community is lost. Community with others is unnecessary and being in communion with God is annoying and restricting. Being dependent is the ultimate sin and shame of our society today... 

But, it is not good for mankind to be alone... 

***Insert Tangent*** Credits to RHET 160/167

Companion: Com (With) + pan (Bread).... LITERALLY SOMEONE YOU BREAK BREAD WITH... ***Insert mind being blown***

Charlie 

Look! And You Will See (Spring 2016 Reflection)

Philippians 3:8 

What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.

The world is an attractive place. If you imagine it being an endless buffet. You can have whatever you like whenever you like, granted you have the money to get in, in the first place. But like any buffet, you cannot have both quantity and quality. So you are left stuffing yourself with garbage food until you physically cannot move. Then you leave. Then you come back the next day, spending more money, more time, more energy to try to satisfy all of your cravings that day. Today I will have the steak; tomorrow, we go for the lobster. Next thing you know you are left trying to finish a checklist of things that will never end. The only certain thing is that if you continue on this never ending cycle, you will die... heartburn, heart attack, heart failure... it is a heart problem. My heart was so easily swayed this past semester. I wanted to do a lot of things; I sought after the good of this world. I sought out worldly comfort and worldly treasures. I wanted time and energy stuffing myself with garbage. I came out of everyday feeling shameful and disgusting. But I kept going back for more... there was no end and next thing I knew, I was seeking for the end so that I could find a purpose. But there was no end found for the endless buffet that the world offered. There was no end but the end itself.

Now imagine that you are dining at a three michelin star restaurant. Everything is beautiful. The table is set, and you are brought to your seat. The course is whatever the chef is making and you know it is going to be great. The first course comes; everything about it is decadent. The flavors all worked, everything was in harmony. It was as quality as quality can get. Then the next dish comes out, then the next, and so until until you get to the last course. Then you finish. You wait for the check but the waiter comes back and tells you the meal was on the house. Everything was paid for. You leave the place full, satisfied, and your whole understanding of food changes. As the saying goes, "you can never looks at it the same way ever again." Something changes. Everything changes.

Unlike the buffet, you can't go back to the three-michelin star restaurant whenever you want. It was a once and a life time experience. There is not enough money in the world to go back. It was finished. It was done. There is nothing better. The entire experience was something different; I did not get to order what I wanted, I trusted the palette of the chef. There was not an endless amount of food to my disposal; it was just the right amount. There was a beginning, middle, and end; it made sense. The chef was in charge the entire time and I did nothing to deserve any of the food. The chef worked and I just partook in his creation. The check was paid for by the chef himself... THAT is beyond my comprehension.

But when tomorrow comes, what will you choose? I chose to go back to the buffet. I chose to revert back to my old "eating" habits. I fought people in line for food that I knew wasn't even that good. I went back over and over again. I chose to ignore. I chose to forget. I paid for second best.  I paid for trash. I paid for things I knew will never satisfy. Little did I know that satisfaction was already attained. I was searching for something I already had.

I was greedy for more. I was discontent with the best. I wanted more even though there is nothing better. I chose to turn away from what I knew was best. I chose to run to what I knew was trash and hoped that I would find something greater there. But there is nothing the world could offer that is better than Christ himself.

I was looking to the world. I was looking for satisfaction in this world. I chose to ignore that God is good. I chose to forget the grace he has shown. I took for granted the price he paid. I looked to the world for something only God could satisfy and I was angry when the world left me shameful and disgusting.

I did not understand for the longest time why the world was so appealing to me. I never understood why I kept going back to a place that I knew offered nothing. I told myself I had a heart problem. I told myself that I could fix it if I just stopped going back to the world. Never once did I think to go get help. I thought if I just stopped, it would heal on its own and get better. Never once did I think that maybe exercising would be good. Never once did I think that I need to be healed.

The lyrics of this song struck me as so truthful to the situation that I was in. In the constant struggle between the things of this world and the plan that God has for me, I found myself asking why I desired the things of this world so much. Why was the world so appealing to me when I obviously know that God is better? Then I realized, I was looking at it wrong.

I was looking at the world and seeing it for all the potential and trash that it was. I was never satisfied but I kept searching for satisfaction. Even when I was frustrated, I questioned why it was so. Not once did I think to turn away. I looked to solutions in the world and even when I was disgusted and ashamed, I was looking at the world. Maybe tomorrow, they will have something better. What I didn't realize was that I needed to change where I was looking. Imagine again being in the three-michelin star restaurant. When you are there, nothing else compares. You forget all the garbage food from everywhere else you've been to. Everything else just doesn't matter anymore. All you see and all you experience is what is in front of you. So if I am looking and worrying about the things of this world, then that is all I get... literally... all of its trash, all of its unsatisfying-ness, everything! I get all of the garbage of the world. BUT! If I am looking at God and what he did on that cross, what he has done, is doing and will continue to do... everything else just fades. All that matters is what God is doing and how he is working. My desire would not be for the things of this world but for the things of God, his plan for me. Like lyrics say, the things of this world WILL grow strangely dim... because the focus is not on the world; our eyes are focused on our God and Savior. There is no healing that the world can offer. There is no desire that God cannot satisfy. But the question is no longer why the world is so appealing but rather... where are you looking? 

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in his wonderful face

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace

Charlie 

Fall 2015: Reflection

The theme of this past semester for me was: economics.

What is economics and how does it affect us?

Yes, I know what you are thinking: what is a philosophy major doing talking about economics? Economics is the way that the world thinks, and so as a philosophy major, I have to study and understand it. Furthermore, I will be questioning it. Why economics, and what are its consequences?

Economics -- it is as simple as 1, 2, 3. Literally. It is a test of numbers and efficiency. Your goal is to maximize profit and minimize cost. It is good for business and good for decision-making. It is a way of life. It is now, THE way of life. Why?

We live in a world that constantly tells you, “You are MORE than just a number.” But then it judges your success with scores and stats and salaries. You are just one out of the seven billion people in the world. You are just one small piece of the targeted audience of a particular product. You are a statistic on a graph that shows how diverse your school or your company is. You are just another pawn in someone else’s life, and they’re calculating their next best move. Millions of people die every year; do you know any of their names? We are collateral damage to the game of numbers. Yes, you are still just a number. Why?

We live in a world that screams EQUALITY, but is that not just another equal sign in the operation of making everyone the same? Is that really the goal we are striving for? When equality turns into conformity and anyone different from you is forced to stay in line. When was life as easy as an equation, where the answer can be boxed in or defined?

You see, economics is the way we think. It is inescapable. No matter where we go and what we say, it will show itself again; it will pull us back into a world of numbers. But have we just given up on thinking outside of the box or are we blind to the four walls of this way of thinking and grown complacent where we are? Have we accepted that we are just a number and that success is just how many zeroes are on our paycheck or how many letters are behind our name? Have we forgotten how to love one another like brothers and sisters, and instead resolved to just locking ourselves up behind bars of comfort and elementary mathematics?

Charlie  

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, it was okay to cry; it was okay to laugh uncontrollably; it was okay to stumble and fall; it was okay to not know, to be free of all cares, and to be nothing less than honest. It was okay to ask for help and to feel small; it was okay to dream crazy dreams and aspire to be like superman. Once upon a time, life was simple, but then I grew up. 

Summer of 2015: Class of Goodness

As if summer school was not enough, I found myself spending the rest of my summer lesson planning and grading papers as a teacher at my church's summer camp. After spending an intense six weeks with very intellectual and profound minds, I found myself face-to-face with third graders. While I had the luxury of learning from some great scholars and professors, I was now the one to instill some knowledge into the these seven/eight-year-olds. Needless to say, it was an experience like no other. I was prepared to be strict and lay down the law; I was ready with creative ways to discipline and rebuke; I was ready to be THAT teacher that they will never forget. I will argue that I did teach these children something but to be honest, I think they were the ones who taught me. I did not expect to see them grow in the span of the month that I was there; I did not expect to have a personal relationship with each one of the children; I did not expect to fall completely in love with my class and see God working so clearly in the lives of the children.  These kids were so transparent and so eager to learn. They are not at that age yet where they had a full-fleshed attitude but they definitely had some of the craziest personalities. They were the first to get upset but also the first to forgive. They sympathized with each other and encouraged each other. They loved each other like their own brothers and sisters. They have a curiosity and an eagerness like no other. They are filled with questions and anticipation to learn. They were also some of the most honest kids I've met. They admit their wrong almost instantly and accept punishment with understanding and reflection. It was amazing to see how pure and how simple their hearts were. This idea of having child-like faith is something we all say but not something we see often. It is such a beautiful and humbling thing to see these kids so full of energy and joy. They literally are mini-adults... with slightly large heads but so full of life. God has opened my heart to these children and showed me His heart for His children. As a father would teach his children, I had the opportunity to teach these children this summer, but more so, I had the opportunity to love these children the same way that God loves His. It was such a joy to see God working in every little detail of every single day and in every single one of the children. Every child was a blessing and it was truly a learning experience that I will never forget.

Summer of 2015: Summer School

Unlike most college kids, my freshmen year didn't really end with a big sigh of relief. If anything, it was just enough time for me to catch my breath and continue running. The first part of my summer was just me in summer school.  

While there are many reasons for people to take summer school, I took it because... well... I actually don't know. I just went online one day and signed up for classes. It felt like a whim and I never really took the time to ask myself why I felt the need to take summer classes. But I did and here I am now, rather excited to go back to school. 

I took two classes over the summer: Modern Philosophy and Rhetoric. 
Here are some things that I realized about Philosophy: 
1) Even from the very beginning, philosophers were trying prove the existence of God. 
2) Proofs for the existences of God were never as satisfying or convincing as I hoped for. 
3) So what was the point? 

During the entire class, I felt rather disappointed that no one had a convincing proof for God. The only thing that I was sure of after this class was that something exists somewhere that does things that we might or might not know about. That wasn't good enough. I was half expecting to read more about philosophers who gave a proof for no God, but I was not expecting a whole course of philosophers with proofs for God and to feel less convinced that God actually exists. God just seems to be this idea that people tack on at the end of their proof when they can no longer explain certain things. God seems to be the thing that conveniently fills all the void that our human limitations can never reach. Although some proved logical, none proved God to the satisfaction of believers and non-believers alike. So that got me thinking... What was the point? Why were solid proofs for God not convincing? How else can we convince people of God's existence, if he even exist at all? 

That unfortunately is a question for another post. I have yet to answer that question to the extent that I feel is comprehensive. (Feel free to comment if you want to take a stab at it.)  

The second class I took was a rhetoric class and there was only one thing that I took away from the class... which also only tangentially relevant. Near the end of the class, my professor shared with us the moment that he became an atheist. He was raised Catholic and one day, sitting in his room with a book open in front of him, he came to the conclusion that he did not believe in God. How he came to that conclusion is his personal story but that was his conclusion and from that day on, he was an atheist. The shocking part of the story is what he said after. He said that if there is no God ... then all we have ... is each other. From then he changed his life to advocate on many social issues in order to bring justice to those people... to all people. I was taken back by his story because I had such a misconstrued idea of what an atheist was like. They quite possibly have the biggest heart for the people of this world because these people are all that they can be certain of. This world is all that they know and care about, and they will be the first to stand for social change and bettering the lives of other people.  So where does that put me? 

Again, I have no answer yet to these questions. I don't know my standing yet on many social issues. But one thing I know for sure... once you add God into this equation, everything changes.Welp! That is all that I have for this post. I will try to answer those questions that I could not answer in a later post but until then... 

-Charlie