Till Death Do Us Part

Till death do us part.
The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear that phrase is marriage. That is what people say when they get married. Till death do us part... aka, I will love you until the day that you die. But is that all? Is your love only reserved for that one person? What if I used this phrase outside the context of marriage...?

Till death do us part.
Being in college and meeting new people everyday, I came to realize something a little unsettling. In life, we can say that we pick and chose our friends. If we don't like them, then we move on. If compatible, then best friends for life. But what about those people that we see on the street everyday, or that one person that sits next to you in class and the only meaningful conversation you had was to ask for a pencil. In those situations, what does it mean to say"till death do us part"?

For those you love, it is easy to say, I will love you until the day that you die. It is easy to want to shower those you love with all the blessings of the world. It is easy to love those who love you back. Is that to say that you love them because it is convenient? No. Loving people, being selfless, giving more of yourself to someone else and expecting nothing in return is not a convenient thing. Loving someone is never easy. No relationship is ever easy. Everything we do requires effort and time and energy. For some, it just seems easier to give effort and time and energy, especially when it is reciprocated.

For those that are harder to love, this notion of "till death do us part" can be a beacon of hope. You can look at it like this: you have until the day they die or the day you die to mend and to work on your relationship. Regardless if it is a good relationship or a not so great relationship, I am one to believe that every person you encounter, you meet for a reason. Every relationship you build has potential to be positive and constructive. It is a matter of how much effort, time and energy you decide to put into it. Relationships shouldn't be a bargain or a transaction. It shouldn't just be an opportunity to make connections or build your network. It is more important than that. It is about learning to give, learning to be vulnerable, and learning to do what seems most impossible at times, to love. Every time an argument occurs, make an effort to fix it. Some people will spend their entire lives confronting one problem, but isn't that enough. Until either one of you dies, there is still time to fix and mend. There is still time to make mistakes and learn. There is still time to love.

The scariest thing about that is that you never know when the other person is going to die. Nor do you know what you will die. Till death do us part.... in this one sentence is a sense of hope, but a greater sense of urgency.

Lastly, for those that we do not know so well- that one kid that sits next to you everyday, don't be shy to lend a hand but also don't miss out on an opportunity to build relationships. Now, I am not saying that you force them into being your best friend, but don't close that door before you go in. Sometimes, the greatest people you meet are those ones you never expected. Sometimes the best of friends are not the ones that are easy to love, but those that you learn to love, fail to love, but continue to love.

Blessed are Those Who Mourn...

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. - Matthew 5:4 

Mourn. What does it mean to mourn? People often use the word mourn in times of sadness and despair. We use it at funerals, hospital beds, and moments of complete helplessness. When we are faced with death -- be it a literal or figurative death -- we are left empty. A part of our reality feels stolen and robbed. The things that seem insignificant before are now tugging at our hearts. The way we see the world changes, and inevitably, we will change as well. But mourning is so much more than just a personal sadness or grief. The word mourn in Greek means "to lament". Lamenting is not a crying-in-the-corner sadness or the tears-in-your-pillow-at-night sadness, lamenting is public display of deep distress. Back in the old days, people tore their clothes in agony and wore sackcloth. It was a public display of very private emotions. It is seeing and understanding how broken our world is and being heartbroken because of it. It is seeing injustice and feeling hopeless. When we look at the statistics of how many people live without clean water, how many people die of starvation, how many people are sold into slavery, how many people die because of diseases and cancer, it is not hard to feel hopeless in these situations. We think to ourselves, "This isn't right. Things should never be this way." Those are the things we mourn over. 

"Things should never be this way..." 

The pain that we feel when we see the world as it is, is excruciating. 

We are a single being in this gigantic world. 

What are we to do other than mourn for the world? 

Where is this comfort that we seek? 

What kind of comfort can ever cover the amount of pain and suffering that happens in this world? 

The reason for the verse above is because there is an offering of hope. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." The word blessed here translates to this notion of happiness. In other words, happy are people who mourn because they WILL be comforted. Those who mourn can rejoice because there is hope and because of that hope, they have an escape from their despair.  In the same way, that mourning is not only on the personal level. This comfort is also beyond our individual comfort. This verse isn't only about making one person feel better, it is about hope for the entire world. It is not only the restoration of people but of the world itself. Therefore, it is so right to say that things should never be the way it unfortunately is right now but that isn't the end. Comfort comes from the promise that this world will be healed. Whether or not you believe in a God does not change the fact that people in this world are actively trying to make this world a better place. As cliche as that sounds, there is hope all around us. In science, we have the pursuit for the cure for cancer. Non-profit organizations and charities that station themselves to provide food, clean water, and medicine for those who need it. People who donate their time, their resources, and even their lives to make sure that no child or person will have to suffer as he/she did. People who give themselves up for the greater well-being of the world. Be it physical, mental, emotional, and/or spiritual healing, we all need to be rescued. The world needs hope and we have the ability to share the hope that we've received. The comfort we feel should move us to bring that same comfort to other people. Be it a temporary comfort or an eternal comfort, there is hope for this world and good news is, it is already in this world. Hope is in the individual who understand first the hopelessness and second the promise of comfort. As idealistic and utopian this may sound, I believe that to be true. There is hope in this world and there will be a day where pain is no more, tears are no more, and those who mourn will forever be comforted. 

-Charlie 

Snow. Tahoe. SNOW!!!

Psalm 95:4-5

In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him.  The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land.

So imagine a 5 year old kid who is seeing snow for the first time....

SNOW!!! SOOO PRETTY!!! It's like walking into a magical forest! 

SNOW BALL FIGHT!!! How can something so pretty hurt?! 

That view... *melting*.... <-- haha get it? Melting?! No?... it's okay, just keep staring at the pictures...

This picture doesn't do this mountain justice... it was GINORMOUS! AN ENORMOUS GIANT!!!

THE SNOW MAKES A HEART!!! SO MUCH HAPPINESS AND JOY! 

It feels like it's snowing! hehe  =P 

We missed the sunset but that is okay... This is still pretty awesome!  =)

I feel so small... 

If everything I understood about this world were a grain of sand, I would end up with only a handful of the entire beach...

It was such a beautiful weekend away, seeing snow for the first time and just marveling at creation. In the midst of such wonder it is difficult to not feel overwhelmed, not to feel small. Imagine, if every grain of sand and drop of water has a place in creation, will I not also? 

Romans 1:20

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

- Charlie 

Contentment

How are you? 

Such a simple question with a not so simple answer. 

How am I? I think the best answer that I can give is contentment. I am content. I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am with everything that I have. Friends, family, fellowship, food, everyday I am humbled by how incredibly spoiled I am to be surrounded by these amazing people and opportunities that I have. However, to say that I am content can be misleading. What in the world do I mean by content? 

con·tent

kənˈtent/

adjective

1. 1.

   in a state of peaceful happiness.

^ That is the definition that google gave me. To be content means to be in a state of peaceful happiness. That is different from just a state of peace or a state of happiness. It is both. So now the question is why? Why am I so content with where I am now?!

Here is why...

As the year comes to a close, it is natural for people to look back at where they were last january and compare themselves to how they are now. Compared to last year, I would say that I grew (not length wise unfortunately), I finished High School and went to college, I went on a music ministry, and I traveled on my own for the first time. I think and I hope that I am more independent now. I can cook, maybe clean, and take care of myself. I have people who hold me accountable and a place to go when I want to be on my own. My life is merely a story of an average college student. So why contentment? I am content because I realized just how incredible it is that I am where I am today. 

While some people are scared to look back at how they were last year, I look at this past year with a little smirk and a lot of humility. This past year, a very determined child got lost in the forest of reality and had to struggle to find her way back. She was certain that this was the way that life was going to play out but little did she know that getting lost was all part of the plan. Along the way, she met friends, other people who were just as determined and just as lost as she was. Some more so than others but regardless still lost. The little girl reminisced about how life was before this scary thing called life, how it was like to not be lost, how it was like to know --or so she thought-- where life was heading. So this little girl often found herself going back, going back to safety, back to comfort, and even tried going back in time. She held on so tightly to the things of the past and was not willing to let them go or to lift them up. So the girl remained lost. She wanted to grow up but she also didn't know how. She wanted to go back but knew that the forest awaits. 

This little girl is still in this ginormous forest; nowhere near the end, but that is okay. The girl understands now that the end is not what she is aiming for, because the end is already determined. What she can do is look at what is in front of her. 

Often times the path may look scary and daunting. Where will it lead? How much longer will it take? But the reason why I am content, is because I am not on this journey alone. The path that I stand on is the path that I believe I need to be on. This little girl learned that sometimes the best roads and paths are not the ones we plan to take but the ones we stumble upon or the ones we never knew existed. It is the scary paths, the unexpected paths, that shape and change you most. 

Looking back, I am content with all the mistakes I've made, all the challenges I had to overcome, and all the struggles that left me a little more broken because all those things led me to this specific path. A year ago, I would never have expected to be where I am now or to have met the people that I have met so far. I am glad to be on this journey with them, but more so, I am glad that this is where I am and not the other path that I thought was better. I am confident that although I have no idea where this path will lead me to next, it will continue to push me and challenge me to grow. I have still so much to learn and hopefully a lot more years ahead of me to see where this path will take me. 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

-Charlie 

Count Your Blessings

As Thanksgiving arrives, so many of us feel the need to say thank you and verbalize appreciation for people that we don’t normally say them too… even if we see these people everyday. All of a sudden, “thank you” and “I am thankful for…” become the most spoken word of the day. So in light of this wonderful and thankful session, I will muster up the courage to write a long-winded thank you blog! Ready? Set? Go!

Family: my bro bro, my sister, my parents

Saying I love you in this family means… FOOD! The cherry on top of my Freshman 15 will be Thanksgiving weekend back home.

More family: Aunties and Uncles, cousins, and grandparents

Such a selfless bunch of people. From helping me on college apps, to giving me advice for college, making the best Zong (粽) in the world (grandma’s cooking trumps any restaurant any day), random phone calls and texts just to say hi, being too cute and scrumptious for their own good (I think chubby cheeks run in the family), and teaching me that being dysfunctional is part of the package but being dysfunctional together is a recipe for laughter and growth.  

Church: Golden Gate

For giving me a place to struggle and grow in my faith.  For a community of people who supported me and challenged me to deepen my relationship with God. For people who taught and mentored me. For people who I could share my joys and sorrow with. For people who taught me what it means to be one body in Christ.

CTI: Team Guat 2014! And DAVID!

I am pretty sure I have abandonment issues because you guys. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about you guys.  It was a once in a lifetime experience and I am so grateful to have gone through it with you guys. I miss you and love you all sooo much!!! *single tear drop

Crossroads

AHHH too many thoughts… so little time. You guys are a prayer answered on so many levels. For the upperclassmen who have selflessly shared their time, energy, and wisdom with the freshmen class. For the freshmen class who have taught me so much about love and fellowship. (This post isn’t sufficient for how truly grateful I am for every one of you guys. My hope and prayer is that God will continue to work and mold this fellowship into greater maturity as we share in each other’s struggles and praises. I love you guys all so much! Thank you!!!)

Berkeley

For not being the place where I wanted to go, but the place where I needed to be.

JROTC: Past and present

For teaching me how to be a leader. For giving me a place to make mistakes. For teaching me how to love and sacrifice. Squad Drill, 1SG, CG, DP…

CKAMPS

For never being too far away. =)

FatFive

For being oh so weird and crazy. For times of endless laughter and stories. For our shared love for music and food!

So that is the end of the post. As we all enter a time of thanksgiving and stuffing our faces, don’t forget to say thank you. Thanksgiving should not be a reminder to say thank you, as we should always be giving thanks and encouragement regardless. Thanksgiving, as I see it, is one of those rare times when friends and family come back from their busy, or not so busy lives and just share one meal together without the distractions of the world. It is a time to talk and to encourage, a time to share and be encouraged. It is a time of remembrance, not a time of remembering to say thank you, but a time to remember to slow down and count your blessings.

For those who are not with family or who do not see Thanksgiving in this Hollywood way, rest assured that most people don’t either. Without or without turkey, take time to stop, lay down your worries, and reflect. Whether it is the big things or the small things, there are blessings everywhere…

Charlie

A Sense of Closure

There will be a moment that one day, the people you aspire to teach will have surpassed you and the amount of pride and joy you feel, will leave you speechless.

The most humbling experience was seeing these kids struggle together and going above and beyond. After 3 or 4 years with you guys, I think I can now say that my job is done. I can leave now knowing that you guys will be ready to fight the world ahead of you. You guys will forever have a place in my heart. Job well done! I am so proud of you guys! 

Retreat: So Let the Waters Rise

This past weekend, my fellowship went on a retreat and for those of you who do not know, retreats are extremely stressful for me. God never ceases to open the doors to a retreat when I am the most stubborn and unwilling to submit. Prior to the retreat, I was exhausted from trying so hard to do things on my own. I was so spiritually drained and exhausted from this vicious cycle of pushing God away and at the same time, asking why he felt so far from me.

A few days before the retreat, I had a rare opportunity to spend an hour alone. I had time before a meeting so I decided to put my on earphones and just walk. I remember trying to not think about anything and to just mindlessly moved. I was scared to go to God and I was stubborn in my own emotions. I was reluctant. I knew that the moment I submit myself, things were only going to get harder. But I also knew that being complacent and unmoved was where Satan wanted me. Soon after, I felt nothing at all. I was mindlessly just...there... 

In hindsight, I think I was scared. Christ calls us to carry the cross everyday and be changed everyday by his Word. He calls us to be ambassadors, and to go be the salt and light of the world. THAT... is not an easy thing to do. That requires energy and time and strength that I knew I did not have and I did not trust God to provide strength and energy for such a broken person like me. I was not ready to be tired; I was not ready to be stressed; I was already exhausted and I was scared to step off the boat into the raging sea as Peter did. I was afraid to struggle even more. I wanted rest and peace but I sought only temporary solutions to this problem. 

For the week leading up the retreat, there was one song that kept coming up. The chorus on this song goes like this: 

There's a raging sea right in front of me

Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise if You want them to
I will follow You. I will follow You

- Let the Waters Rise (Mikeschair)

On the second day of the retreat, my fellowship decides to go to the beach. Being me childish and unsafe, I decide to see how far I could go into the water. At one point, I underestimated how strong the waves were and next thing I knew, I fell into the water and it felt as if I was about to get swept away. It was probably not as dramatic as you could imagine it to be but it was still an experience. I was reminded of the song.

At the end of the retreat, we had this thing called a silent retreat where for two hours, we split off and had alone time to do devotions, to pray, or to even be still before God. Before this, I had stopped doing devos and studying the Bible. So during silent retreat,  I turned to the page that I had bookmarked last and this is what it said: 

"Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sick in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God." 

-Psalm 69:1-3 

It was not just a coincidence. From the lyrics of the song, to this specific Bible verse, to physically almost getting swept away by the waves... Even while I was pushing Him away, he continued to show me himself. I am weak and broken, but God only uses an army of wounded soldiers. I was childish and stubborn, but God never turned away. He could have, in fact, why he kept showing his grace is beyond my understanding. I am so small; I am so small compared to his power and might but he chose to come down and share in our hurt and brokenness. He chose to give us so many chances that we do not deserve.  

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” 

“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

 - Matthew 14:27-29

-Charlie